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Coaching & Counseling

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Emotional Intelligence Skills

Brock Hansen, LCSW

Why do we need them?

We are all born with the same set of basic emotional responses, including:

Interest
Joy
Surprise

Fear

Distress

Anger
Shame


These “affects” have significant survival value in helping
us to
react quickly to important events in our immediate environment.


Although we are born with some automatic responses
such as a surprise
and distress response to a sudden loud noise, more specific responses must be learned.

For example: we have to learn to react to a poisonous snake with fear or
to a hot stove with caution. As children, we learn many complex emotional responses to our environment in a short period of time.


Some of the responses we learn are very helpful.

Some become obsolete but we do not forget them.

Some are mistakes that we never correct, and we continue self-defeating emotional responses to certain situations.

And some very useful emotional responses we may never learn, because no one teaches us.


These can be thought of as “learnable emotional skills.”

Research indicates that persons who master these skills have a distinct advantage in meeting the complex interpersonal challenges of life (See Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman) and work (See Working with Emotional Intelligence , by Daniel Goleman)


It is great if you learn these skills when you are young.

Learning the fundamentals early is always an advantage.

But it is possible to learn these skills later in life, and they are always beneficial.

How can we learn them ?

Break the complex skills down into simpler fundamental chunks.

Experiment and imitate until you begin to have some success.

Practice, practice, practice, ……

How much do you want it?

Learning a complex skill is not only for adults.

Children learn very efficiently by imitation.

It is easier for them because they do not have to overcome
existing habits.

An adult has to want the new skill enough to replace old
habits that may seem easy by comparison because they
have already been mastered.

Wait for it. Plan for it.

If you want it and you understand that learning it is not a quick
and easy thing to do, you will be willing to make a plan and follow through with the steps to learn it.

You can get help in formulating your plan. You can even get help in wanting it more.

Self help books can be useful.

A coach who understands the territory can be very helpful.

Your brain is always changing.  New synaptic connections are
being made every day.  New learning continues all the time.
The two operative forces that shape the learning of new shills
the most are emotional arousal and repitition.

Practice, practice, practice

Your brain is always changing. New synaptic connections are
being made every day. New learning continues all the time.
The two operative forces that shape the learning of new shills
the most are emotional arousal and repitition
.

If you don't choose how you want to change, you will tend to
repeat what you know - thereby changing your brain by
unplanned repetition - making it more and more like the
old habits.

How Coaching can Help!

Individual or group coaching can help you:


identify the emotional skills that will be most helpful for you to 
  master;


formulate a learning plan based on your experience and existing
  skills

stick to your plan, (overcoming the hurdles) refining it and
  tracking your progress until the new skills become automatic;

Steps you can take now!

Review books on Emotional Intelligence Skills -

See Resources for Change

Call for a    Free Coaching Session

 

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